- Don't use IE!
- If you must use IE only do so when your PC is turned off
- If you must use IE whilst your PC is on, don't.**
**You can ignore this advice if you are running an advanced operating system like
Linux-Tiger-Vista stable final Beta, Alpha 2.00000446.
Tuesday, 23 December 2008
Internet Explorer Tips
Monday, 22 December 2008
'Twas the eve before the eve before Christmas eve
Families warned of dangers of exploding gravy - what a great headline! Which started me thinking what public service, health and safety guidance could I contribute to the Christmas festivities? The more I think about it the more I realise that the Yuletide season is fraught with all manner of physical and social dangers:
- Christmas stockings - if not washed before use bring the danger of athletes foot and veruca's.
- PTSD - Present (Tie\Sock) Disappointment - you wanted an iPhone but got an eyesore in the shape of a lurid tie and sock set!
- Envelope licker's tongue, which can be linked with the ever painful paper cut lip
- Christmas card writers block
- Gift wrappers cramp\Bow tie'rs bunion
- Nut crackers thumb OR if attempted after excessive Christmas tipple nutcrackers nipple!
- Flambé pudding eyebrow singe
- The hidden danger of an allergic reaction to nuts thoughtlessly concealed in a bag of nuts!
- Mistletoe lurkers neck
- Sale shoppers remorse
- Holiday advert overdose
- Cracker pullers whiplash
- Queens speech catalepsy
Friday, 5 December 2008
Saving dummy Annie
First aid training today! So there I am pounding away on the naked chest of a woman one minute, the next I have my lips wrapped around hers whilst I blow gently to make her chest rise and fall. Considering Annie is made of plastic, this makes me feel like I'm writing an ad for one of those dodgy blow up dummies they advertise in the "personal" columns.
Such courses are a great leveller of people. It's hard to be superior whilst being manhandled into the recovery position, having your head bandaged, arms placed in slings and kissing dummies!
The worst bit of such courses is the face that they keep on changing the standards for various things, one time we did five compressions to two breaths, then 15 compressions to two breaths, now it's 30 compressions! I'd make a joke about inflation, but the alert one's amongst you will have noticed that the inflations stayed at two, whilst compressions went up.
Well must go it's time to practice my abdominal thrusts!
Such courses are a great leveller of people. It's hard to be superior whilst being manhandled into the recovery position, having your head bandaged, arms placed in slings and kissing dummies!
The worst bit of such courses is the face that they keep on changing the standards for various things, one time we did five compressions to two breaths, then 15 compressions to two breaths, now it's 30 compressions! I'd make a joke about inflation, but the alert one's amongst you will have noticed that the inflations stayed at two, whilst compressions went up.
Well must go it's time to practice my abdominal thrusts!
Thursday, 20 November 2008
Today
I'm watching telly as I write this, well half watching half writing, you know what I mean. It's been a funny kind of day, got up a bit later than usual, and did some bits and pieces of my accounts, had breakfast, then wrote some emails. - Nothing funny so far...I know what you are thinking.
Later I went to see the nice people at 'Crossroads' (The charity not the 70's soap) that I will be working with soon. They were very nice made me feel welcome and very much at home. - still nothing laughable eh?..... Actually I've decided that it wasn't a funny day after all, just a bit different to normal.
Actually the more I think about today the more I see that actually it's been a perfectly normal day. So, I'm sorry I miss-led you before, honestly it was less of a lie, more of a did-not-think
-before-typing moment. (You may have noticed I have a lot of those.)
I have to do some training for me new job next week, it's the start of a series of training sessions to equip me for my new role. One of the days we have to take our washing and teeth cleaning gear...sounds like we are stopping overnight, but actually I guess it's so we can practice washing and cleaning each others teeth...Can't wait it's bound to be embarrassing in a kind of hilarious way. (Must make a mental note to get new face cloth and toothbrush, as the tatty one's I have now are not for public display - I do have some standards you know!)
So what can I write about my ordinary day? Nothing you'd like to read, so I''ll go now! Is that OK?
Later I went to see the nice people at 'Crossroads' (The charity not the 70's soap) that I will be working with soon. They were very nice made me feel welcome and very much at home. - still nothing laughable eh?..... Actually I've decided that it wasn't a funny day after all, just a bit different to normal.
Actually the more I think about today the more I see that actually it's been a perfectly normal day. So, I'm sorry I miss-led you before, honestly it was less of a lie, more of a did-not-think
-before-typing moment. (You may have noticed I have a lot of those.)
I have to do some training for me new job next week, it's the start of a series of training sessions to equip me for my new role. One of the days we have to take our washing and teeth cleaning gear...sounds like we are stopping overnight, but actually I guess it's so we can practice washing and cleaning each others teeth...Can't wait it's bound to be embarrassing in a kind of hilarious way. (Must make a mental note to get new face cloth and toothbrush, as the tatty one's I have now are not for public display - I do have some standards you know!)
So what can I write about my ordinary day? Nothing you'd like to read, so I''ll go now! Is that OK?
Thursday, 13 November 2008
Frankenstone
On behalf of my hard working and dedicated team, and myself, I am pleased to announce a major breakthrough in the world of science. After many years of hard work, painstaking research, and many, many set-backs, we have finally achieved our aim. We would like to present to you the world's first GM stone.
'Rockus lumpus grittas' is the outcome of pioneering hybrid technology. This rock contains the core code characteristics of granite and a tomato. The 'tomanite' or 'granto' (take-your-pick) offers the best of both worlds.
People who need a robust fruit that won't bruise or burst will enjoy the general all round toughness of this fruit, whilst stonemasons will appreciate the ability to grow their own stocks of bright red rocks, suitable for sun drying.
The development team would however like to point out, that, as with many cutting edge developments, it's too early to say if this new product is commercially viable or safe for consumption. We'd also like to point out that the fruit may cause damage to teeth if bitten into and may cause rapid weight gain if consumed in large numbers. (Team members reportedly gained a stone in carefully controlled laboratory tests.)
'Rockus lumpus grittas' is the outcome of pioneering hybrid technology. This rock contains the core code characteristics of granite and a tomato. The 'tomanite' or 'granto' (take-your-pick) offers the best of both worlds.
People who need a robust fruit that won't bruise or burst will enjoy the general all round toughness of this fruit, whilst stonemasons will appreciate the ability to grow their own stocks of bright red rocks, suitable for sun drying.
The development team would however like to point out, that, as with many cutting edge developments, it's too early to say if this new product is commercially viable or safe for consumption. We'd also like to point out that the fruit may cause damage to teeth if bitten into and may cause rapid weight gain if consumed in large numbers. (Team members reportedly gained a stone in carefully controlled laboratory tests.)
¡ʇ,usı sıɥʇ - ¿ǝןʇıʇ ƃuınƃıɹʇuı
(¡ʇɥƃıɹ ʇı ʇuǝsǝɹd noʎ ɟı 'ƃuıʇıɹʍ ɥʇıʍ ʎɐʍɐ ʇǝƃ uɐɔ noʎ ןǝʌıɹp ʇɐɥʍ ƃuıʇɐuıɔsɐɟ ʇı ʇ,usı) ˙ǝǝs uɐɔ noʎ sɐ 'ʇɐɥʇ ʇsnɾ oʇ ǝɯıʇ sɐʍ ʇı pǝpıɔǝp uɐı 'ʇsıʍʇ ʍǝu ɐ ɟo pǝǝu uı sɐʍ ƃuıʇıɹʍ sɐʍ ǝɥ ʇɐɥʍ ʇɐɥʇ pǝpıɔǝp ƃuıʌɐɥ
Wednesday, 12 November 2008
Once upon a time.....
My kids used to love the game where I would start to make up a story, then stop, and then each of them would take it in turns make up the next chunk of the tale. I wondered if that would work via a my blog? So here goes,.... Please feel free to add your (clean, non-offensive) chunk to the story by adding a comment.
In at the deep end.
The back of Jack's head crashed repeatedly onto the rocks on the bed of the stream. His lungs were bursting as he surfaced briefly. He dragged in an urgent gulp of air, before the water covered his face again. He flailed his arms desperately trying to find something solid to hold onto to stop his continued rush down the icy stream.
His ice-numbed fingers clawed desperately at the smooth surface of the rocks, but failed to find a purchase. He moaned inwardly as his battered and bruised fingers were dragged painfully across the stream bed. His half opened eyes stung with the cold, he could see nothing save the pale light of the winter sun reflected and distorted by the rushing, splashing water. He felt his grip on life weaken as he started to slip into unconsciousness, when....
..suddenly he found himself flying through the air, propelled by a huge jet of water. He barely had time to gather his senses, and draw in a grateful lung full of air before the jet of water flung him headlong onto the bank. His head spinning from a combination of almost drowning, followed by his crashing down to earth, Jack lay stunned, desperately trying to make sense of what had just happened. All his aching head could recall was...
In at the deep end.
The back of Jack's head crashed repeatedly onto the rocks on the bed of the stream. His lungs were bursting as he surfaced briefly. He dragged in an urgent gulp of air, before the water covered his face again. He flailed his arms desperately trying to find something solid to hold onto to stop his continued rush down the icy stream.
His ice-numbed fingers clawed desperately at the smooth surface of the rocks, but failed to find a purchase. He moaned inwardly as his battered and bruised fingers were dragged painfully across the stream bed. His half opened eyes stung with the cold, he could see nothing save the pale light of the winter sun reflected and distorted by the rushing, splashing water. He felt his grip on life weaken as he started to slip into unconsciousness, when....
..suddenly he found himself flying through the air, propelled by a huge jet of water. He barely had time to gather his senses, and draw in a grateful lung full of air before the jet of water flung him headlong onto the bank. His head spinning from a combination of almost drowning, followed by his crashing down to earth, Jack lay stunned, desperately trying to make sense of what had just happened. All his aching head could recall was...
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